When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
