it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
