Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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