she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
