dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
