the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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