you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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