If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
