youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just cropdusted the office
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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