The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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