Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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