Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
