I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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