OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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