I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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