how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
