you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
