whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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