You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I am naked and annoyed.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
