Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
