1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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