i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
