i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
