Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
