As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
