I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
