My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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