i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
