you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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