Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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