dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
