she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we should paint friendship bongs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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