someone threw a dead crab at me
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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