Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Randomize
