found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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