I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
