I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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