here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
