3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
