is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
