idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
