every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
