I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
