i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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