Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
