dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
