hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I deserve this hangover.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
