i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
