Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
