Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
