check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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