Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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